Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Bumpdate Week 18

Baby Messmer is the size of a white onion. 5.1 inches long.

Weight Gain: As of my checkup last week, I have gained 2.5 pounds from the beginning of this pregnancy. Sometimes I feel like it is a lot more but I am starting to get used to it.

How I'm Feeling: My energy is back. I would love to be able to go outside but it has been so cold here the past few weeks. No matter what I eat I get heartburn.

Sleep: I sleep between 10-12 hours a night. I like to sleep.

Hormones: Oh the emotions. I told my mom last weekend that if emotional people feel like this all the time I don't know how they can live this way. Basically anything I read on the internet makes me cry. If it involves a dog then you can automatically assume I am done for the rest of the day.

Food: Gimme all the pasta and bread.

Maternity Clothes: My mom and I went on a little road trip shopping expedition a few weeks back and I got two pairs of maternity jeans and I love them! I bought a few tops as well but they are for when it gets a bit warmer out. It has to get warmer, right?

Monday, February 16, 2015

Baby Messmer Is A...

Ok so my weekly bumpdates have been a little behind which is totally my fault... but also not my fault because I am growing a human and  people can't be upset with the girl who is growing a human. Anyway I have been really busy with things like work and enjoying time with my husband before we become a family of 3 so excuse me if sometimes I forget to blog about it.

To give you a little bit of an update I am now what... like 17 weeks pregnant? That is right, I am asking you to tell me. So that's almost halfway. It feels like it has been 17 weeks and not in a good way. Mostly in an I am so bored because it is cold and I never want to leave the house so I am just going to sit here and think about how I am going to be pregnant forever or have a 14 pound baby like the woman on tv. 17 weeks goes by quite slow when your mind is in a weird winter fog place.

Now that we know the sex of our little muchkin at least I can do things like online shop. Or regular shop, which is something me and my mom did over the weekend. I took a half day from work on Friday and we went out of town and spent the weekend shopping and eating junk food in our hotel room while watching trashy tv shows. It was as wonderful as it sounds.

Anyway, if you follow me on any type of social media you know that baby Messmer is a GIRL!

...and we have come up with a name but I am not ready to share it on the blog just yet.

For now I will just let you know that we are happy to have a healthy baby. She is in there doing flips and waving every time we get an ultrasound. Eric and I cannot believe that he is going to live in a house full of women but we both can't wait.

AMG says hello!

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Pregnancy... You Are Doing it Wrong

I have been quiet except for the occasional baby update. I remember a time where this blog was fun and lighthearted, a time when people would come for a good laugh at our crazy lives. I don't say much these days. I come to update you on things like what I am craving that week or if you follow my Instagram you get a few more tidbits about what is happening around here, but mostly it is just quiet.

I can give you a million and one reasons why I haven't been motivated to blog. Maybe it was because of the hiatus I was forced to take a few months back. Maybe it is because I have been reading the emotional journeys of so many other women who just haven't had their magical pregnancy moment yet. Maybe it is because I am just tired. Growing a human is hard work. Or maybe it is because I fear that whatever I say will come with unsolicited advice from other moms or women who think they know the best way to grow a human being.

What I have learned in the past 15ish weeks is that everyone has an opinion. One of my favorite parts about myself (and Erics favorite part) is that I don't let opinions bother me. I have always been the kind of person who just lets comments roll right off. I don't do things I don't want to do. I know it drives some people crazy, but it is just how I am. I have never been the kind of person who sticks with the majority. I have made a lot of unpopular decisions in my life. Things have changed though. Hormones are a funny thing, ask my husband. Sometimes I have to say things like "pre-pregnant Casey would have loved that joke, but right now it makes me want to hurt you". 

I am more emotional than I have ever been. This is perhaps that hardest thing for me to adapt to. I see women who I believe are successful mothers (aren't you all successful if you kid is fed, semi-clean, and has a safe place to live?) but they give advice that is like... insane. It is like every single person who has ever parented a child thinks they have this magical key to success and they want to share it with you. Except, if you don't follow their rules exactly than you will not be a good parent.
Baby Messmer at 8 weeks

I never mentally prepared myself for this. I never planned to be a parent. I have never dreamed about becoming a mother. I didn't (as far as I know) want baby Barbies. I wanted Barbie and Ken to live in a loft apartment and to go visit all of my sisters Barbies kids on occasion. Do you guys know just how MANY things people want to talk to you about? Breastfeeding is by far the most popular. I am 15ish weeks pregnant and I have been asked at least 20 times if I plan on breastfeeding.

Diapers- cloth or not?
Sleeping- co-sleeping or not?
Feeding- breastfeeding or not?
Working- working or not?
What are you eating while pregnant?
What medicines are you taking while pregnant?
How much sleep are you getting?
How long do you plan on working?
this list could go on forever....

Each and every one of these things are important to everyone I talk to. I don't know the answer to most of them. I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I am just trying to do my best to make sure that every day I am nice to my husband, and that I have a good enough environment to hold this baby in. You know the key to growing a healthy baby? When mom is happy. Ask my doctor who tells me every single time I see her that the most important thing for my child right now, is that I am a happy healthy person. You know what is NOT good for me? Hearing what I can/cannot eat. How much I should/shouldn't sleep. Oh, and how much I work.

None of this is supposed to be mean. In fact, it is more therapeutic for me than anything. I guess if you think this post is about you than that is okay.  If the shoe fits than maybe you should think about it a little deeper. The reason I write it is because I am not the only person in the world who feels this way. I have talked to so many women who agree. I always hear things like "Isn't it so hard to hear people telling you that you are doing parenting wrong before the baby even gets here?"

That is the most perfect description in the world. If you have had a baby, you know where pregnant folks are at emotionally. Nothing is more deflating than a women who we look up to as a parent knocking us down before we even have the chance to show you what we've got as a parent. So here I am on my blog, a place that used to be so fun, promising you that you have something you want to talk about I won't be judging you. This place has been too quiet too long, and I knew I couldn't come back unless I got this all out in the open.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Week #14 Bumpdate

Baby Messmer is the size of a large lemon. (3.5 inches long)

Weight Gain: I have lost 5 pounds since I found out I am expecting. Now that I am feeling a bit better I think I have been "nesting" because I can't sit down. I am always cleaning, organizing the house, or running errands. I guess I have to play catch-up because I haven't done anything in a few months.The movement must be helping me keep the weight off.

How I'm Feeling: I think the overall answer for the entire pregnancy is that I feel tired. The first trimester brought a lot of night sickness and I have always felt best in the morning. Thankfully I am feeling a lot less sick these days which is wonderful.

Sleep: I sleep between 10-12 hours a night. As long as the dog lets me sleep, I sleep.

Hormones: I cried listening to a Taylor Swift song the other day. I cried trying on maternity pants. I cried dropping the dog off at daycare for the first time. I cried when my husband sang Bye Bye Little Sebastian while I was laying in bed the other night. There is no way to prepare for the emotions involved in carrying a human around.

Food: I have been craving burgers. To supplement my cravings I have been making black bean turkey burgers at home. That way I can trick myself into thinking I am getting a delicious beef burger, but instead I am being healthy. Whatever.

Maternity Clothes: I bought a pair of maternity jeans. It was weird and I cried in a good/bad way. I have purchased a few tops as well. It is so hard to be motivated to buy maternity clothes when they are so temporary and so expensive.

I bought the first piece of baby clothing today and nothing makes it more real. I haven't really purchased anything at all for this little munchkin, but that is all going to change the moment I find out if it is a boy or girl. This outfit is one of the few unisex outfits I have found and I just couldn't pass it up!

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Week #13 Bumpdate

Here we are folks, the second trimester. I have heard it is a magical land where you stop throwing up and start actually looking pregnant (not like you just binged on holiday treats). It is also when we get to find out the sex of the baby, which has been Erics big question since day one. Seriously. I was all I'm pregnant and he was like when can we find out what it is?

Baby Messmer is the size of clementine

Weight Gain: I have lost 2lbs thus far although my body is finally starting to look pregnant. I don't really know how it happened but I am really trying to adapt.

How I'm Feeling: I think the overall answer for the entire pregnancy is that I feel tired. The first trimester brought a lot of night sickness and I have always felt best in the morning. Thankfully I am feeling a lot less sick these days which is wonderful.

Sleep: I sleep between 10-12 hours a night. Don't judge me.

Hormones: So. Many. Emotions.

Food: Mini chocolate covered doughnuts, roast beef, and smoothies were my favorite things throughout the first trimester. Now I am really digging tacos and buffalo chicken of any kind.

Maternity Clothes: I haven't purchased much yet but my jeans are telling me it is about time. Thankfully I work from home so I get to wear a lot of yoga pants, but I should probably buy something for the weekends when my husband wants to do something. Also, Erics graduation was last week so I had to put on a dress. I thought I would cry but I found my college graduation dress buried in the closet and it was elastic so I was like score! I didn't cry at all!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Baby Messmer Part 2

Let me start by saying this is called part 2 for a reason. So if you start reading this and you are feeling a little lost, you might want to hop on over to part 1 and read that first. Now where was I?

Oh yeah, I was at the doctors office and they were telling me I had to wait 24 hours to find out the biggest news of my entire life. To say I was a tad overwhelmed would be an understatement. Although everyone in the office kept saying that I had to be pregnant because I was getting positive pregnancy tests, I still didn't want to fully accept it until I knew 100% that it was happening. This is where it gets a tad bizarre...

I didn't tell Eric.

He came home from work. I made dinner. We ate dinner. It was a busy time for him at work so he basically just went to bed right after. I remember feeling relieved when he told me he wanted to lay down for a bit because I didn't know what to say. I didn't have a 100% answer yet, so saying something like I am like 75% sure I am pregnant and 100% sure it's yours just didn't seem right. I needed to actually know.
 So I anxiously waited all night. I Googled the average cost of raising a human (don't do that) and freaked out silently. I stayed up all night thinking about our brand new house and how it was going to start feeling a lot more cozy soon. I worried. I thought about all the painting and how I carried basically every box into my house by myself. I worked on projects that people shouldn't do while pregnant because I had no idea.  I panicked because I had a horrible diet. Moving is hard on the healthy eating plan. I rarely fixed dinner and always snacked on junk. Basically, I just spent the entire night thinking about what could go wrong.

Then I waited for the call the next morning, which by the way was supposed to come by 10:00AM and it didn't. I called twice after 10:00AM and nobody answered. Panic. Finally at almost 1:00PM I found out that Eric and I were going to be parents. It was early in the pregnancy, like days into it. They monitored me by taking my blood every other day for a week to make sure my hormone levels were rising, although I didn't need them to do a blood test to know I was getting a lot more hormonal.

Here is where it gets more bizarre, I still didn't tell Eric. I should have now that I look back on it, but I think I just needed a few days to process the information. So I waited until I felt semi-ready a day or so later. We ate dinner and I told him I had a gift for him. Inside was What To Expect When You're Expecting and a picture of some of my positive pregnancy tests.
 He instantly had a smile on his face. The second I told him I stopped freaking out. He has a way of making me feel better without even trying. We looked at each other and said we will figure it out like we always do, and we have. In July we are bringing a human into the world and it doesn't matter if we are ready or not. We will figure it out, just like we always do.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Baby Messmer Part 1

Sometime in July we are having a baby. In this house we like to say we are having a baby even though I have a feeling I might be doing a bit more of the hard work when it comes to actually having the baby. Anyway, the more I say things like We are having a baby and We are expecting our first baby in July  the more real it becomes. So I am going to keep telling you guys.

I have been asked repeatedly how this came to be, seeing as we have been very vocal about wanting to wait to start a family. I can tell you all that we are both equally confused. One thing is important for my readers to understand though, Eric and I are thrilled. Sometimes I think my sarcasm and shock might mask that fact, but it is extremely important that everyone knows this child is already loved more than words say.

With that being said I would love to tell you we found out about this little miracle baby.

Eric and I purchased our first home on October 30th, 2014 and moved in the very next day. The move was organized chaos, which was perfect for me. My family helped with the boxes and the more fragile items, and I had a moving company come move all the heavy furniture. Over the next week or so I worked on the basement. It had this hideous dark wood paneling and I had seen some tips on Pinterest that showed me how to paint it. I also found some tips on painting concrete because the floors down there were worn in some spots and some spots had spills. I don't need our unfinished basement to be gorgeous, but I have to do laundry down there so I would prefer it not look like the set from a horror film.

Needless to say I was busy. Eric hasn't had the time to help with a ton of home projects because he has had a lot going on with work so when we moved in I spent all my time running to Home Depot and coming home to work on something. I rarely ate. I rarely slept. I was just busy and tired and always focused on another little project I wanted to do.

Then one random day I hit a wall. I just couldn't find the energy to get out of bed. I slept all day and all night. I could only bring myself to work on my laptop from home during the day, usually from my couch. I just knew it was my exhaustion catching up with me. I assumed I got a cold/flu bug and that I just needed to sleep it off. So I slept on and off for 3 days. During those 3 days I had the most intense dreams I have ever had in my life. I swear guys, I seriously thought they were all so real.

One morning I told my sister about my dreams. I explained to her that the night before I had a dream that somebody we knew was pregnant and it blew my mind because as far as I know she was really not trying to get pregnant.

My sisters response was "lol maybe you're pregnant"

Guys, that is when I knew. I can't explain it, but the moment I got that text message I dropped everything I was doing and took 2 at home tests. You might ask Casey how could you know? You were on birth control. Trust me. I just knew. I hadn't missed a period. There were no other signs, but when I went into Walgreens that day to grab some pregnancy tests (by the way... pregnancy tests are expensive) I knew that I would be pregnant.  I was shaking when the lady at Walgreens bagged them up, and mildly annoyed when she clearly looked at my left hand to see if I was wearing a ring (It is the 21st century people!).

When I came home I rushed into the bathroom to take the test. There was the faintest blue plus sign. OH MY GOD. Why did nobody ever tell me about the tests that clearly say the words pregnant or not pregnant? Because I had no idea what a kinda positive was... but it was what I had in front of me. I had no clue what it meant or what I should do. So naturally I just called my OBGYN office and was like HELP ME BECAUSE IM FREAKING OUT AND HOME ALONE.

Thankfully they were nice enough to say I could come in anytime I wanted that day to get a blood test to confirm it. The nurse also told me that false positives rarely happen and that the very faint line showed up because the pregnancy hormone is in my blood, and it is only there when you are pregnant. Who knew? Not me. I am no pregnancy expert.

The fun part of this story that I have forgotten so far is that my sister was already on her way over to my house because we were supposed to go to Target and have lunch. As I am holding a positive pregnancy test in my hand she calls to tell me she is like 5 minutes away. OH GREAT SO NOW I HAVE TO ACT LIKE IM NORMAL.

I did it though. I acted cool as a cucumber. I bought some curtains at Target for my basement and just chatted about nothing with my sister. Then as soon as she left I RAN OUT THE DOOR TO THE DOCTORS OFFICE. That is when the doctor told me I would have to wait until the next day for my test results...
For more on this story (like how I told my husband the news) come back for my next post.